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Papamutes
Christine Handy - Walk Beside Me
Model, Breast Cancer Survivor, and author Christine Handy chats with Papamutes about her rise in the modeling world and sudden interruption when diagnosed with breast cancer. How she over came suicidal thoughts and found the courage to push through. Writing her novel 'Walk Beside Me' which recounts her struggles and the women that helped her through this dark period. Christine continues to model, and is a sought after motivational speaker offering her encouragement to people who need support and emotional courage to get through their battle.
photos: courtesy of Christine Handy
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You are listening to UNmuted with Papamutes.
Papamutes:
Welcome to Papamutes, everybody. My guest today is Christine Handy. Christine is an author, a model, a motivational speaker, a cancer survivor, and much, much more. I'm happy to have her on. Christine, welcome to Papamutes.
Christine:
Thank you for having me.
Papamutes:
You're in Miami, correct?
Christine:
I am. Can you hear the traffic?
Papamutes:
No. Let's get to the good stuff. What's the weather like?
Christine:
Very nice. 74 and sunny right now. You can see it through the mirror. Yeah, right here.
Papamutes:
Oh.
Christine:
That's the ocean.
Papamutes:
I was going to say, is that the ocean? Sweet. But you were born in St. Louis, correct?
Christine:
I am. Yeah, I was raised in St. Louis, and then I lived in Dallas for a long time, and I moved to Miami in 2014.
Papamutes:
Now, what was your, just briefly, your childhood in St. Louis like?
Christine:
It was very small, I would say. I live a very big life, right now, I have a very public persona, but I also live in a big city. And St. Louis was small. It's a smaller town, but I also lived in kind of a bubble, and so we weren't really exposed to a lot of things. I love this example, when my son came to Miami to go to high school, he went to Miami Beach High School for a couple years, and there are about 167 ethnicities there. And I think in my high school there was one. And I love that for him because that's the real world. That's like-
Papamutes:
Sure, of course. Yeah.
Christine:
I didn't live in the real world. So, when I started to have illnesses and things happen to me, you go from a higher high to a bigger fall, right?
Papamutes:
Mm-hmm.
Christine:
And I fell really hard.
Papamutes:
Okay. At the age of 11, you started modeling, correct?
Christine:
Correct, yes.
Papamutes:
Now, how do you, I mean, 11-year-old just doesn't walk out of the house and go to the agency, and how did that start? What sparked it?
Christine:
I used to see a lot of letters that were in the mail that would come to me from modeling agencies and from pageants that would say, "To the parents of Christine Donny," that was my maiden name, "We would love to represent her." And so, I would open these and go, "Wow, I must be really pretty. Wow. All these people want me." And so, I really wanted to do it and my parents were like, "No, we have other daughters at home. We just want everybody to fit in a box and do the same thing." And I was like, "Eh, I think I should do it." So, ultimately I forged them into some sort of compromise to allow me to do it. And they had to take me to my modeling jobs until I was 16 and able to go unchaperoned myself. But until then, I had a flourishing career and I'm still doing it at 51.
Papamutes:
I mean, I'm just curious, what made them send you besides your looks?
Christine:
Well, back then we didn't have any internet. I mean, it was a long time ago. It was 40 years ago, so it was really correspondence only came through mail. Nobody from the modeling agency would come up to your door and knock on your door and say, "We'd like your daughter to model for us." So, it would come in the mail and there was plenty of them. And so, I think with the amount, they thought, "Okay, these people are serious." And so, there's a space back then and still now for child model.
Papamutes:
Okay. All right. Now, at that point, were you like, "Yes, I'm going to be a model for life." At that early age, I mean?
Christine:
I wasn't sure it would be for life, but I felt it deep into my bones that it was something that I really wanted to do and I fought for it. Like I said, my parents didn't want me to do it, so I really fought for it. So, when you fight for something, your teeth are in it more, right?
Papamutes:
Oh, sure, absolutely.
Christine:
And so, I kept modeling, I kept modeling after I got married, I kept modeling after I had children, I kept modeling until I was about 35 and had surgery that prevented me from modeling at that stage of my life. But then I went back to it.
Papamutes:
Now, your book Walk Beside Me, how it came about to write a book-
Christine:
About my journey?
Papamutes:
Yes.
Christine:
Well, I wrote the book because when I was going through breast cancer, I was unable to find a book like it. I wanted a book about a narrative that shared the story, the good, the bad, and the ugly. And I was gifted a lot of books when I was going through chemotherapy. And they were very helpful, but they were self-help books. There wasn't a novel about the journey. And so, I thought, well, I have the tenacity, the ability to write the book and the knowledge. I had a bit of chemo brain afterwards, but I found the words and I figured out a way to do it. I had some help. And so, I wrote the book and I published it and became popular.
And so then, once the book was out, then I started to speak. And of course, I had been in front of a camera for 30 years or so at that point. And so, it was kind of a natural progression for me to start speaking in front of a camera. And I was a very good speaker. And so, I got picked up by about six or seven speaking agencies back in 2015. Now I work for more. And then I went back to modeling. So, it was kind of the book, then the speaking career, and then social media influencer, and now back to modeling.
Papamutes:
Now, was there a history of cancer in the family?
Christine:
No. Only 20% of breast cancer patients or those diagnosed with breast cancer have the gene. So, 80% are, they don't know.
Papamutes:
Now, what brought you to the doctor?
Christine:
I felt a lump in my breasts. And so, I went to the doctor and they did a biopsy. And then, five days later I was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer. I mean, I was petrified. I had an 11-year-old son and a 13-year-old son, of course, my mind went right to who's going to have the privilege of raising my own children. And I had no idea how I was going to get through the battle. I knew that my form was aggressive because he told me on the first conversation it was aggressive. I didn't understand what that meant, but I knew that there was going to be a lot of fighting. And at that point in my life, I just really didn't have any fight in me. And so, I knew it was going to be a big battle.
Papamutes:
The first line in the book is, "It's a warm day in September when I decided to kill myself."
Christine:
Yes.
Papamutes:
I mean, the book is-
Christine:
Comforting. Very comforting.
Papamutes:
Well, it sucked me in. I'll tell you. I mean in a bad way, but you know what I mean.
Christine:
Right.
Papamutes:
So, if someone reads this book and I recommend it, what do you want them to get out of it, even if they're not involved with cancer, never had cancer or anything?
Christine:
Right. Well, and I think my book transcends cancer. It's about trauma. It's about hope. I think that I was very honest in the story, and I think with vulnerability, when you share a story that is completely honest, then you can really allow people to feel less alone in their own plight. Because I think the world that we live in, with social media and highlight reels, we're all showing this one side of our life, which is, it's disparaging to the rest of us because we're going, "Oh, wow. Well, she's always on vacation. Oh wow, she's always so pretty." That just doesn't exist. And so, I wanted to write a story that was authentic. And so, I did have suicide thoughts, and I wasn't ashamed of that. I was in a state of despair and emotional agony. And that's not something that I, I don't discount those feelings. Those were very real. And those are important to talk about because so many people feel that feeling. And if we brush it aside or don't admit that it's there, then I think that discounts their feeling. I didn't want that to happen.
It took me about three weeks to get out of that state of mind. And fortunately, I was able to, with the help of friends and family, not everybody is. And so, I felt like if I shared that part of my story, that might help somebody get through that part of their story.
Papamutes:
And you also had a serious wrist injury?
Christine:
Yes. Yeah. That's a very sad story. I had a torn ligament in my right wrist, and I had a doctor in Dallas who was the best orthopedic surgeon, supposedly.
Papamutes:
Supposedly, right.
Christine:
We label that. I labeled it. I mean, he was labeled. I labeled him, other people labeled him. I bought into it. And he ended up being one of the worst human beings I've ever met in my life. I've totally forgiven him. He destroyed my arm. And I live in chronic pain. I have been in chronic pain for 11 years. It's changed my life tremendously.
Not just because of the scars, but because of the chronic pain. I used to, not so much anymore, but I used to have, my days used to be dictated by the pain, meaning, could I drive that day? Could I cook? Could I go out? Because the pain was so intense. And so, I had that right before I was diagnosed with cancer. And so, I had just come off of a year of being bullied by a doctor. Now I'm diagnosed with cancer, about to go through breast cancer. And I'm thinking to myself, obviously, I have no self-esteem because I allow this man to bully me. I need to work on myself and who I am because I'll never get through this 'cause I'm not going to fight for myself if I don't believe in myself. And now I have to face this disease that I don't know if I'm going to live or die.
And so, there were so many things that I had to work on, right in the beginning. One, forgiveness for the doctor. Two, deal with the pain in my arm. And three, figure out how I was going to live the rest of my life with no wrist. And then all of a sudden, "Okay, now you have to go through chemotherapy." And I couldn't even start chemotherapy because the bone grafts and the cadaver bones that were put in my wrist would've dissolved. So, we had to postpone chemotherapy for a month because of my arm situation. So, there was a lot of unresolved anger issues, and there was a lot of victim angry issues.
Papamutes:
Oh sure. Yeah.
Christine:
And then finally, I had an amazing group of women who stood by me and said, "You are loved, you are not forsaken, and we will stand by you." And they never left me. And so, if you have people that stay by you, you go, okay, wait, there must be something inside of me that matters. Because if all these women are showing up for me, must, the beauty is gone and the bags and all the materialism is gone. What's left? So, there must be something inside of me that's good, or they wouldn't be here. And I had to find out what that was in my life. And once I found it, I kept it and I nurtured it, and I saved it for those days that you don't have courage.
Papamutes:
These women, we're talking friends, family, combination?
Christine:
Combination.
Papamutes:
Okay.
Christine:
Mostly friends.
Papamutes:
Okay. Now, how long were you in the hospital?
Christine:
I was in chemotherapy for 15 months. So, 15 months, there were many days where I wasn't sure I was going to wake up the next day. So, 15 months not working, in either hospital or bed, because sometimes they wouldn't want you in the hospital because they want you isolated at home. So, I was in a guest room without being able to see anybody 'cause my blood levels were so low. A lot of alone time to figure out who was I, if I did survive, what was I going to do, and how was I going to nurture that self esteem that obviously had gotten shredded over the years.
Papamutes:
Wow. Have you ever authored before this book?
Christine:
No. It was always a dream of mine, even from as a small child, I always wanted to write a book. And I thought, "Well, here's my opportunity. I have the story."
Papamutes:
How did you do that? I mean, you're taking notes, you're tracking it while it's going on?
Christine:
I am asking my friends to send me all their texts. We are taking notes. I hired somebody to organize our notes. I hired somebody to go interview my friends. And then, I started to write the story after I was healed from chemotherapy. I couldn't have done it when I was going through my illness, yeah. It took about a year, and then I published it and it became successful. So, it's been a very helpful book to many people, not just who've been through breast cancer, but also people who are caring for somebody through an illness.
Papamutes:
What do you want them to get out of that?
Christine:
Well, and I think a lot of what I went through was what the world wants us to be, is focused on materialism. I mean, just go drive down the street, and what's on the billboards, that's what they want you to consume, right? They don't want you consume being... It's collaboration versus competition. I'm always about collaboration, but in the world, it's competition.
Papamutes:
Definitely.
Christine:
They're promoting competition, I'm promoting collaboration. So, I think in the beginning of my book, it's like I'm kind of lost, and kind of materialistic, and self serving. And then in the end of the book, I'm altruistic and want to serve instead of be served.
Papamutes:
How much of the book is-
Christine:
It's true. We just changed the names of the city and the people.
Papamutes:
So, it's all true?
Christine:
Authentic. Yes.
Papamutes:
Nothing juiced up. Now, there's a movie, or there was a movie that was going to be made?
Christine:
There's a movie being made. Yeah, it's coming. It should start filming this summer.
Papamutes:
And what's that title?
Christine:
Willow, the feature film.
Papamutes:
All right. Now, how much involved are you? I mean, obviously it's your story, but I mean, producer or you just like they come to you?
Christine:
I'm not a producer. No.
Papamutes:
Okay.
Christine:
The people that need to be in charge are in charge. It is my story and I'll be on set for all 30 days, but not much more than that.
Papamutes:
Okay. Well, let's just, hypothetically, if you could be in a movie with someone, not this movie, just a fantasy movie or whatever, and you had a co-star, who would that be?
Christine:
Well, Tom Hanks, because he brings in all of the ticket sales.
Papamutes:
Cash.
Christine:
He brings in all the cash, so there we go. But I don't know. I don't [inaudible 00:14:20].
Papamutes:
About a woman co-star?
Christine:
Yeah. I would like somebody funny, maybe. I don't know. Like, Drew Barrymore or somebody. She's adorable.
Papamutes:
Okay.
Christine:
I love her.
Papamutes:
All right. How do you change, you touched on it a little bit, how do you change your mental attitude? I mean, you're just like, I know you have friends and stuff.
Christine:
I'm tough, though. Tough as nails.
Papamutes:
I mean, it's like you're devastated, and eventually you have to get it together, so you don't just poow. How do you take-
Christine:
You don't have to get it together, though. That's the thing. You don't have to get it together. I could have quit. Many people do. I mentor a lot of breast cancer patients. Many people quit. It's a mindset, it's an intention, and every single day it's a focus. And so, when I realized that, then my focus every day became courage, and my focus became courage for that day. I wasn't focused on courage for two weeks from now. I was focused on courage for that day. And so, if I could show courage to myself and to my community, and to my kids that day, if tomorrow came, great; if it didn't, it was out of my control. And so, I let go of the obstacles which were my own, and putting false narratives on my story by saying that I could control it 'cause I couldn't. And so, with intention and focus, I showed courage. And each day I got through it. Not easily, but ultimately I got out of it and I was able to share my story to help other people.
Papamutes:
Now, is your minds, I'm sure it's different now, modeling prior to and modeling now?
Christine:
I do it for a different reason. I'm doing to help people now. Before I did it because it was my profession.
Papamutes:
Now, the book itself, where can people, I mean, obviously you go online and everything pops up, but-
Christine:
Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Target, it's in all the obvious places.
Papamutes:
Okay.
Christine:
Yeah, it's out there.
Papamutes:
All right, great. I have a little segment. It's called this or that. Very simple. I give you two choices.
Christine:
Great.
Papamutes:
It doesn't mean you hate the other one, but you get the idea.
Christine:
Okay.
Papamutes:
All right, here we go. Cat or dog?
Christine:
Dog.
Papamutes:
TV series or movie.
Christine:
Movie.
Papamutes:
Summer or winter?
Christine:
Summer. Always.
Papamutes:
As you sit there in Miami. Okay. Is it getting dark there? It looks like it. Behind you there.
Christine:
Little.
Papamutes:
All right. Country or city?
Christine:
City.
Papamutes:
Credit or cash?
Christine:
Credit.
Papamutes:
Of course. Ching. Ching. Tacos or wings?
Christine:
Neither.
Papamutes:
Boom.
Christine:
Skipping.
Papamutes:
Exception. Okay. Beach or mountains?
Christine:
Both. Different seasons.
Papamutes:
All right. Reading or writing?
Christine:
Writing.
Papamutes:
Online shopping or in store shopping?
Christine:
In store. Touch it, feel it.
Papamutes:
Pizza or pasta?
Christine:
Pasta.
Papamutes:
Love it. High heels or flats?
Christine:
Always high heels. I'm a runway model.
Papamutes:
There you go. I like high heels. They hurt my feet though.
Christine:
Mine too.
Papamutes:
Coffee or tea?
Christine:
Tea.
Papamutes:
Wine or beer?
Christine:
Wine.
Papamutes:
Steak or lobster?
Christine:
Lobster.
Papamutes:
Yeah. Last one. Giving or receiving?
Christine:
Always giving.
Papamutes:
There you go.
Christine:
That's joy.
Papamutes:
Yes. All right. What does 2023 look like for you?
Christine:
Well, I'm getting ready to walk in New York Fashion Week in two weeks.
Papamutes:
Ooh.
Christine:
Actually, 13 days from tomorrow, so I'm looking forward to that. I'll be walking in three shows, no, four shows. Different designers, yeah.
Papamutes:
Designers. Okay. Wow. Okay.
Christine:
And I'm doing some press up there. And just modeling and doing some speaking engagements. And of course, getting ready for the film and doing interviews just to share hope to other people. And I'm on the board of a few nonprofits, and of course, that's my life's work. And hopefully writing another book one of these days.
Papamutes:
Great meeting you, having you coming on. I'll be in touch. And enjoy the rest of your evening.
Christine:
Thank you.
Papamutes:
All right, take care.
Christine:
By-bye.
Papamutes:
Bye-bye.
There you have it. Christine Handy. Beautiful woman, went through a lot, obviously, and strong. I mean, that's a hell of a thing to go through for anybody and I wish her the best. And looking forward to the movie. If it gets made, I will certainly check that out. And the book Walk Beside Me, like she said, it's on Amazon, it's wherever you could buy a book. I really appreciate her coming on.
Until next time, take care.
Speaker 1:
This has been an UNmuted podcast with Papamutes.
